I’ve been struggling with something ugly in my heart…
It’s the p-word.
That’s right.
The p-word.
You can tell I’m an elementary teacher, because I say things like that…
”P-word.”
Random sidebar…
I hear this a lot during recess duty at school… it goes like this:
Student: ”Mrs. Bear ____ just said the “i” (insert any other random letter) word to me.”
Me (racking my brain for what the “i word” could be): “Can you tell me what the “i” word is?”
Student: “I can’t say it, because I’ll get in trouble”.
Me: “No you won’t. Just whisper it to me”.
Student (barely even close to a whisper voice): “Idiot”.
Me (stifling a laugh): I see. “Tell ____ to come here so I can talk to them.”
Okay…
Back to the p-word.
It’s pride.
Ugh.
Pride.
I hate it.
I want it to go away.
But it won’t.
pride
praɪd/ noun
1. a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
The definition itself makes me shudder.
Because I can’t believe that ugliness exists in my heart.
Lately, God has been showing me how often my pridefulness causes me to crave encouragement and approval from others.
I want to be sure that people tell me that I’m as great as I think I am.
Doesn’t that just sound sick??
Whether it be at church,
At work,
Or at home,
I crave that approval from others.
And the reason that I crave it is because of the pridefulness in my heart.
I don’t want to be that way… but my prideful nature takes over and I feel frustrated or annoyed when someone doesn’t give me the encouragement or approval that I feel like I deserve.
God has been teaching me to find my identify, my fulfillment, my encouragement, and my approval from Him alone.
Because my identity is in Him.
II Corinthians 5:17 “ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
My identity can’t be found in approval from my husband, my family, my friends, my students, their parents, or my co-workers.
It has to be found first and foremost in Christ.
And Christ alone.
I went to my sister’s church this weekend. She goes to Prairie Ridge in Ankeny, which is an incredible place.
The pastor was speaking about unity in the church. Since music has been a divisive issue in the church for hundreds (thousands??) of years, so to demonstrate unity among Christians, they sang a couple of old hymns at the end of the service.
I was struck by a phrase from the hymn “Be Thou My Vision”.
It says,
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.”
That’s my new desire.
To not crave “man’s empty praise”.
It’s hard.
Really hard.
I’m not going to try harder to do it, because that doesn’t work.
I have to put my faith in my Savior and pray that I’m aware of His presence in my life each and every day.
Aware of my identity in Him.
Aware of my own depravity.
Aware of His grace
And aware of when pridefulness rears it’s ugly head so that I can be reminded to find my identity in Christ and not in the approval of others.
That’s it…
The P-word.
Don’t say it too loudly… because you might get in trouble. 
Here’s a link to a version of “Be Thou My Vision“.
Enjoy the sunshine! 
